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Patricia Matsuda

Patricia “Pattie” Alison Matsuda was a mixed-race Japanese American and White woman from Pasadena, California. She was the third of Greg and Ellen Matsuda’s four children and was autistic and had ADHD. At fifteen, Pattie became pregnant with Lila Hayes; she gave birth six days before her sixteenth birthday and later married Lila’s father, Evan Hayes.

Early Life and Family

Pattie was born on November 3, 1982. During Cody’s spring 1995 crisis, she was twelve, following seventeen-year-old Susie and sixteen-year-old Cody and preceding seven-year-old Joey.

Pattie had a fast temper and became physically aggressive when provoked. In seventh grade, she punched another girl who called her ugly.

Pattie was diagnosed with ADHD around age eight to ten after she jumped out of a school window because she wanted to use it as an exit. Her presentation was sufficiently visible that it was recognized despite the barriers girls faced in receiving ADHD diagnoses during the early 1990s.

Pattie’s autism remained unrecognized during childhood and adolescence. She received that diagnosis in adulthood.

After Cody’s 1995 medical crisis affected his speech, the Matsuda family learned ASL as part of communicating with him. Pattie worked at it despite finding the slower pace difficult; it took her longer than some family members, but she eventually used both English and ASL.

Education

Pattie’s impulsivity, temper, and physical confrontations caused repeated difficulty in a traditional school setting. Reading and sustained attention were especially difficult, though she showed strong visual-spatial reasoning and practical skill in building and fixing things. She also excelled at soccer, basketball, softball, and track. Ellen advocated for movement breaks, fidget tools, modified assignments, and other ADHD accommodations, while suspensions and detentions continued to shape Pattie’s sense that she was the family’s “problem child.”

While the Matsuda-Davis Homeschool Cooperative educated Cody and Andy from fall 1995 through spring 1997, Pattie sometimes joined its lessons when she was suspended or needed a break from traditional school. The cooperative’s flexible pacing and acceptance of movement and rest gave her intermittent access to a less restrictive learning environment before her own later transition away from school.

Main article: Cody Matsuda CHSPE Proposal (Spring 1998) - Event

After Pattie punched Clarissa and was suspended in mid-to-late April 1998, Cody proposed that she leave traditional school and prepare for the California High School Proficiency Examination. The family withdrew her from school for home instruction and exam preparation; Cody offered to tutor her, and Greg taught through concrete, hands-on methods.

Personality

Pattie was physically fearless, direct, energetic, and intensely protective of people she loved. Her protectiveness was especially visible in her relationship with Cody. She reacted quickly to insults and perceived threats, sometimes with violence, and had difficulty stopping once anger and impulse had combined.

She spoke bluntly and often loudly, saying what she meant without much social softening. Her literal, concrete approach could make indirect expectations difficult to follow, though she recognized overt aggression quickly.

Years of school discipline left Pattie fearing that she was bad, broken, or unlovable. She thought of Cody as the smart sibling and Susie as the beautiful one, discounting her own athletic and mechanical strengths. Pregnancy sharpened her fear that difficulty managing her own daily needs would make her an inadequate mother.

Relationship to Her Body

During childhood, Pattie was a tomboy who sought physically demanding activity. She climbed trees, jumped from windows, and attempted stunts that made even her classmates warn her to stop.

She favored athletic clothes, jeans, T-shirts, and sneakers that left her free to move, and often had scrapes, bruises, or bandages from her activities.

Cultural Identity

Pattie was Japanese American through Greg and White through Ellen. She grew up in the mixed Japanese American and White Matsuda household in Pasadena.

Health and Disabilities

Main article: ADHD Reference

Main article: Autism Spectrum

Pattie’s adolescent ADHD presentation included high activity, impulsive risk-taking, difficulty regulating anger, trouble sustaining attention for reading, and executive-function challenges. These traits affected school, conflict, and daily planning without singularly explaining every decision she made.

Her family helped her manage time, meals, and other routines with reminders and check-ins. Without medication during pregnancy, remembering to eat, drink, take prenatal vitamins, and study became substantially harder.

Her autistic presentation differed from the quieter, more heavily masked patterns recognized in several relatives. She could read aggression and threat quickly while still missing unspoken social rules, especially when anger, impulse, and protectiveness converged.

During pregnancy, Pattie’s clinicians discontinued her stimulant medication. Her family and Evan provided additional reminders and practical structure. She also experienced persistent severe nausea and vomiting described as borderline hyperemesis gravidarum. It continued into the second trimester, interfered with eating and daily function, and eased somewhat between approximately twenty and twenty-seven weeks without disappearing.

Teenage Pregnancy and Motherhood

Main article: Patricia Matsuda (Neurodivergent Teen Motherhood Journey)

Main article: Lila Hayes Birth and NICU Stay (October 1998) - Event

Pattie and Evan conceived Lila when both were fifteen; Pattie learned she was pregnant after Evan’s sixteenth birthday. Her pregnancy involved borderline hyperemesis gravidarum before it developed high blood pressure, severe preeclampsia, and pulmonary edema and ended in an emergency premature cesarean delivery under general anesthesia.

At a pool party in July 1998, Pattie said cruel things to Jeremy after his own medical crisis, contributing to his panic attack and seizure. Ellen held her accountable for the harm while recognizing that losing ADHD medication had made it harder for Pattie to pause before speaking; medication was a needed accommodation, not an excuse for cruelty.

Around eighteen weeks, Lila’s first definite kick changed the pregnancy from an abstraction for Pattie into a relationship with her daughter. Pattie learned Lila’s patterns of movement, including responses to cold water and Evan’s voice. At the October 24 Backstreet Boys concert with Clarissa, Lila kicked to the bass; Pattie called it her first concert.

Lila Marie Hayes was born on October 28, 1998, at thirty-one weeks’ gestation and remained in the neonatal intensive care unit. Pattie was still fifteen at delivery and turned sixteen on November 3.

During her postpartum recovery, Pattie experienced depression and emotional dysregulation amid recovery from severe preeclampsia, pulmonary edema, emergency surgery, and the strain of Lila’s NICU admission. Evan and their families treated the change as a health crisis requiring care rather than as evidence that Pattie was a bad mother.

Pattie initially tried to pump milk for Lila, but the frequent, tightly scheduled work was beyond what she could sustain while recovering and still off ADHD medication. Ellen helped her regard formula as an accommodation rather than a failure. On November 1, Pattie stopped pumping and gave Lila ready-to-feed formula through her temporary feeding tube. After her November 2 discharge, Pattie resumed her ADHD medication at half dose.

Pattie’s parents, siblings, Evan, and members of Evan’s family provided practical support during the pregnancy, hospitalization, and early co-parenting period. Lila’s middle name, Marie, honored Susie.

Family and Core Relationships

Greg and Ellen Matsuda

Greg and Ellen raised Pattie with Susie, Cody, and Joey in Pasadena. They advocated for her education and provided practical support during her pregnancy and Lila’s hospitalization.

Greg explained the reasoning behind rules, worked with Pattie on reading through concrete examples, and valued her building and fixing skills. Ellen fought for school accommodations, cared for Pattie during severe pregnancy nausea, and helped her make the postpartum feeding decision without shame.

Susie, Cody, and Joey Matsuda

Susie and Cody were Pattie’s older siblings, while Joey was her younger brother. Pattie was particularly protective of Cody. During her pregnancy, Cody’s CHSPE proposal offered a possible route away from a school environment in which Pattie was repeatedly disciplined.

Susie helped Pattie with reading and mediated school troubles when they were younger. During Pattie’s pregnancy, she provided the less parental support of an older sister; Pattie was distraught when Susie returned to Stanford for her senior year. Pattie repeatedly fought classmates who targeted Cody, leading to suspensions. When she learned of his 1995 suicide attempt, she punched a hole in the living-room wall before breaking down. Her younger brother Joey admired her and tried to copy her physical feats, sometimes frightening the adults who had to stop him.

Lila Hayes

Main article: Patricia Matsuda and Lila Hayes

Lila was Pattie and Evan’s daughter. Her premature birth required an extended NICU stay and shifted Pattie and Evan from frightened teenagers into active co-parents.

Clarissa Smalls

After private news of Pattie’s pregnancy spread through the school, Pattie confronted Clarissa Smalls in mid-to-late April 1998 and punched her, breaking her nose. On October 20, Pattie apologized to Clarissa at McDonald’s while Evan, Jeremy Wallace, Morgan, and Todd were present. Clarissa apologized for telling Sarah and contributing to the subsequent harm, and the girls forgave one another. Four days later, when Jeremy’s medical crisis prevented him from attending a Backstreet Boys concert, Pattie went with Clarissa using his tickets. Their shared evening followed an explicit acknowledgment of both the broken confidence and the violence.

Romantic and Significant Relationships

Evan Hayes

Main article: Patricia Matsuda and Evan Hayes

Pattie and Evan were childhood friends before the pregnancy. They decided to raise Lila and worked together as co-parents. Their relationship later became romantic, and they eventually married.

Memorable Quotes

During late pregnancy, after Evan brought her water with ice, Pattie snapped:

“Why is there ICE in it?! I didn’t ASK for ice!”

Two minutes after telling Evan to leave during another overwhelmed moment, she cried:

“Don’t actually leave, I didn’t mean it.”

After Lila came home from the NICU in early December, Pattie broke down during a night of colic and told Evan:

“You must be so disappointed… look at me… I’m a mess. I’m a disaster. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

When Evan confessed that he loved her, Pattie answered with what she could name:

“I feel safe with you. I trust you. You’re the person I want next to me.”

When others suggested that Evan had coerced her, Pattie insisted on her own account of Lila’s conception:

“He didn’t take advantage of me. We were both drunk. We both made a choice. It was mutual and messy and complicated.”

Characters Supporting Characters Living Characters Mixed Race Characters Mixed Heritage Characters Japanese-American Characters White Characters Disabled Characters Neurodivergent Characters Autistic Characters ASL Users Matsuda Family